Thanksgiving dinners often feel like political battlegrounds – for me at least. What should be a holiday celebrating togetherness often turns into one of fiery debates. Whether it be issues of climate change, immigration or the economy, at least one person ends up drunkenly yelling and another in tears. Each year, I’d hope it would be different, and it never was – until I learned the best way to navigate these conversations.
But first, something had to give. One dinner in particular was the breaking point. Everyone at the table was arguing: Aunt Linda was quoting Facebook, my uncle Fox News. All until someone shouted: “You’re all brainwashed.” Sitting in an uncomfortable, newly found silence was the moment I realized just how sad this was. Not one person was listening, we were all just lobbying opinions like grenades. And it needed to change.
Some people think the only way to avoid this is to stop talking about it all together. But pretending politics don’t exist doesn’t make them disappear. So I tried something radical – I listened. Crazy, I know. I listened in a way where I wasn’t trying to build defense, but actually trying to understand. I stopped trying to win and started asking questions.
People do not want to feel berated. They want to feel heard. Even if hearing them takes a lot of patience and a shift in your own mindset. It is wild how much you can learn when you can understand just why people feel the way they do. There’s usually a reason, whether that be fear or a genuine lack of truthful information.
Remember, however, you aren’t going to change anyone’s mind around a dinner table. And there’s usually that one person who crosses a line or is so deep in propaganda that reasonable counter-arguments only trigger a wild reaction. It’s okay to step away. It’s okay to disengage. Choosing your battles is a useful and effective tool.
Polarization doesn’t just exist on a national level – it’s right there around your table. The arguing didn’t scare me, it was the idea that the intensity of our nation’s political landscape is so horrible it will sever decades of familial love. There are exceptions, yes, but understanding each other, even imperfectly, is more important than being right.
It’s not about agreeing. It’s about facilitating a conversation where proving someone uneducated isn’t the end goal. It’s about staying human. Thanksgiving has always been about more than just turkey. But these days, it’s about patience, listening and knowing when to be quiet and just pass the mashed potatoes. Because sometimes keeping the peace is the best way to show love.
