On buying shit I don't need day, I bought a hobby horse, mounted it, and off we went. The Lucas gang robbed the bank.

Alongside them, I said, "Stop in the name of the law."

They did.

"Ride yourself over to jail."

They do.

At home, I tied my horse to a parking meter, turned, ...

I left the womb complaining.

"Tight fit, Mom."

I walked the next day, wobbly at first, but when I sobered up, problem solved.

At two, I wrote my first book about a fish that couldn't swim. I illustrated it the year before.

I played the piano at age four, became a lawyer at five, ...

I made I never rode a lazy horse to a bank robbery, and sure my six-shooter was loaded.
Tipped my hat to the ladies.
"Looking sharp, Ma'am."
"Thank you, sir. "
I never shot anyone who didn't need shooting.
After the last job, I stopped at the first town I saw.

"Whiskey, barkeep, all-around."
The drinks were ...

I'm not the first to hit the books, I'm the first they hit back. It was a romance novel; I never expected resistance. After the first punch hundreds of books flew off the shelves, including the Bible, Eye for an Eye version.

A librarian stopped the fight, made me return the ...

When Albert walked in search of his lost marbles, he bypassed the banana peels lying in his way. Good show, he thought. 

He paid no mind to the tropical garden gracing the path along the way, or the lions and the lambs that watched him as he passed by.    

He did not ...

Big Jim, the clown killer, roamed circuses to find victims.

Found twenty-three.

Dead clowns.

I was a lawyer. Don't know the law and didn't have much of a practice. To eat regularly, I turned to crime.
Now, I practice in prison. Big Jim, the clown killer, my client.

I spoke first.
Big Jim listened, then looked ...

When Mary Lou and Tommy went at it, neighbors with nothing else to do would lip-synch the argument. Each was cheating on the other. When the carnival came to town, they thought a ride through the Tunnel of Love would save the relationship.

"Tickets, please."

But there, each kissed the other with ...

Gerald Tiperino was not a big tipper, little tipper, or any kind in between. He was a petty thief who kept his money in his back-pants pocket.

One might assume he was upset when it escaped through a hole. He was, angry as a stepped-on rattler. Disinterested in fine points of ...

Cops took one look at the scene, found a blond hair, and made a quick arrest. The fat Sergeant with a toothpick in his crooked little mouth said, "Pick her up, boys."

She's my girl, and I know the rush-to-judgment coppers got it wrong. Butler did it. He left the trial ...

We spent our first night together making love, and I
expected more to come.

"Call me."

"Sure thing, babe."

Then he reached over and grabbed an unfinished
cigarette.

On the way home, I was almost hit by the drunkest
driver. I ran back to the sidewalk. He missed me by a
mile. No matter, I was in love.

Crazy ...

The cat was on a steep church roof; the three blind mice ran far ahead. The farmer's wife, with a carving knife, ran close behind.

Sixteen wobbly legs leaped from the roof.

The mice, with seeing eye canes to guide them, landed in soft, fresh snow. The cat died on broken glass ...

Van Gouh was an artist with amateurish talent, but his paintings sold for millions. Stick figure men, mostly.

Critic Peter Souse felt the art world, pretentious as it was, needed a fraud, provided Van Gouh, and advanced his career.

Only when Souse, ...