I don't ride horses. I don't like people on my back; I figure they feel

the same. I ride carousel horses. Ride them likea pro.

I lift my hat to the ladies waiting for their cowboys, and if I see a bad guy, I don't shoot. I capture.

I don't ride on ...

As the flood approached, our bad habits left us.

They must have known we were not long for this world.

Pride went to the plants, envy to the animals, and so on. All' we had left were our manners.

Thousands, like I, who lacked the sense to leave earlier, were in line, at ...

Fredrick's face resembled a Halloween mask. He worked when he needed to eat and drank when he became sober. He watched people from his sidewalk cardboard box, saw a boy chasing a ball, and a car racing his way.

He rose from his box, a frightening sight.

"Look out, kid."
Seeing Fredrick's wobbly ...

Ten-dollar-an-hour laborer Tim Scott's wish came true.

He was out for lunch when the wind turned menacing. Slips of wallet-sized paper flew from his body. Two quarters where his eyes had been took flight. Viewed from a certain angle, they resembled bass drums in a dollhouse marching band.

It was like ...

Seeing her tentative at the light, cars whizzing by, hands filled with grocery bags, Watch it, Lady" I said before escorting her cross the street. I'm thirty; she looked about 100.

"Live far away?"

"Not too far."

"Need help getting there?"

"Don't know, not there yet?"

"Married?"

"Was. Irving died, said it was from my cooking."

We ...

On buying shit I don't need day, I bought a hobby horse, mounted it, and off we went. The Lucas gang robbed the bank.

Alongside them, I said, "Stop in the name of the law."

They did.

"Ride yourself over to jail."

They do.

At home, I tied my horse to a parking meter, turned, ...

I left the womb complaining.

"Tight fit, Mom."

I walked the next day, wobbly at first, but when I sobered up, problem solved.

At two, I wrote my first book about a fish that couldn't swim. I illustrated it the year before.

I played the piano at age four, became a lawyer at five, ...

I made I never rode a lazy horse to a bank robbery, and sure my six-shooter was loaded.
Tipped my hat to the ladies.
"Looking sharp, Ma'am."
"Thank you, sir. "
I never shot anyone who didn't need shooting.
After the last job, I stopped at the first town I saw.

"Whiskey, barkeep, all-around."
The drinks were ...

I'm not the first to hit the books, I'm the first they hit back. It was a romance novel; I never expected resistance. After the first punch hundreds of books flew off the shelves, including the Bible, Eye for an Eye version.

A librarian stopped the fight, made me return the ...

When Albert walked in search of his lost marbles, he bypassed the banana peels lying in his way. Good show, he thought. 

He paid no mind to the tropical garden gracing the path along the way, or the lions and the lambs that watched him as he passed by.    

He did not ...

Big Jim, the clown killer, roamed circuses to find victims.

Found twenty-three.

Dead clowns.

I was a lawyer. Don't know the law and didn't have much of a practice. To eat regularly, I turned to crime.
Now, I practice in prison. Big Jim, the clown killer, my client.

I spoke first.
Big Jim listened, then looked ...

When Mary Lou and Tommy went at it, neighbors with nothing else to do would lip-synch the argument. Each was cheating on the other. When the carnival came to town, they thought a ride through the Tunnel of Love would save the relationship.

"Tickets, please."

But there, each kissed the other with ...