A few months ago, I was in my college apartment, halfheartedly doing homework while my roommate sat nearby, completely absorbed in a book. Bored, I asked her what it was about, and she was shocked I’d never heard of it. It was her second time reading, so she tossed the book to me and told me that it’s something every 20-year-old girl needs to read. So I did.
“Everything I Know About Love” is not just a memoir about Dolly Alderton’s life. It’s a way to feel less alone in the chaos of being a 20-something adult. It explores, brutally, how to deal with friendships, heartbreak and simply self-discovery in a world you haven’t quite figured out yet. Through her writing, Alderton feels like the wiser, funnier older sister we all need.
From the title, you may assume it’s some “how-to” guide of securing the perfect romantic partnership. Which to me, sounds honestly quite boring. I was, however, pleasantly surprised to find that one of main takeaways is that sometimes soulmates are platonic.
“Nearly everything I know about love, I’ve learnt from my long-term friendships with women.” – Dolly Alderton, Everything I Know About Love
Female friendship is one of the most beautiful parts of being a woman – and this book reminds you of just that. Friendship is at the center of this memoir. Within Alderton’s chaos of boys and jobs and rent and school is a celebration of the loyalty of friends. When you’re in your 20s, sometimes the only thing you have are those people who refuse to leave your side – even when you’re a mess and even when you’re the worst version of yourself.
Alderton is able to capture these relationships in such an honest and poetic way. Her stories are reminders that those friends are sometimes your first love. She then captures that heartbreak when your 20s come to a close and there’s an inevitable distance that grows. Growing apart, she reminds us, is a natural cycle of the human experience, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t painful to let go of the comfort of shared history. Reading this book made me sit for a moment and realize that even though it’s scary that the future is unknown, right now is a time I’ll never get back. Don’t wish away your present.
Alderton also talks about romantic heartbreak – though she doesn’t romanticize it at all. It’s a mess, she admits, a mess of confusion and self doubt and utter loneliness. Heartbreak is hard. But it’s part of becoming. She reminded me that being vulnerable and having an open heart takes courage. It’s way easier to be cold to a world that can be unforgiving, but by doing so, you may be preventing yourself from loving all the people you’re meant to love.
Your 20s are supposed to be uncertain – that’s what makes them so exciting. Alderton’s honest storytelling reminds and reassures readers that it’s okay to mess up and feel lost and not have one thing together. Self discovery isn’t about perfection, but about learning and accepting our imperfect selves. So, if you are feeling like a complete mess, grab “Everything I Know About Love” and let her show you it’s okay to be exactly where you are.
