This is the city Hollywood, California. I’m a cop assigned to the cold case of Mary’s little lamb. Most people know Mary through the version her public relations people put out. The lamb followed Mary to school; it was against the rules, the teacher put it out, end ...

Stanley is a copycat or a copy of a copycat.

If I arch my back, he arches his. If I wave my tail, he waves his. He’s an idiot, but we're close as close could be.

Last week, I was adopted and ...

When I bit off more than I could chew, I left it dangling, wrote a sign, “free food,” and hit the streets. No takers.

So, I leaned back and swallowed it whole; in hindsight a mistake since it got stuck in my throat.

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I was in court charged with littering when the bailiff said, “All rise,” and I’m thinking, rise; who the “F” does he think I am Superman? I know how to stand but rise; where was I supposed to learn to do that, magic school?

I ...

The splinter in my foot hurt, but I left it in and ignored the black stuff developing around it. I was busy writing.

When I required surgery, I did it myself; it didn’t go as planned.

I retraced my steps to learn ...

Most days when I saw her, she was sitting on a milk crate, empty paper coffee cup in hand, wordlessly seeking donations, and whatever change I had I gave her. But after losing my job, after the savings ran out, after my wife ran out, children too, (“bye, ...

I used to hate going to the dentist, and if my dentist is reading this, I don’t mean you. I mean the one I went to before you.

Now, when I go to the dentist, I make a day of it, sleep in, breakfast in ...

I’d let you stay at my place if I don’t have to be there with you.   

When I’m into another person, I get the feeling of wow! But I get that same feeling with a doobie and a Hendrix album.

When ...

I went the extra mile, no reason except curiosity. If you’re thinking of doing the same don’t bother; it ain’t worth it.  

To help others, I made this sign and placed it where anyone about to travel the mile could see it.

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