Autistic people can be great community members when given the chance to show up for others. That requires direct communication and understanding from non-autistic or allistic people that the autistic brain is wired differently than the allistic brain and that autistic emotions show up differently than the emotions of allistic people.
The biggest problem autistic run into when trying to build community is that their lack of empathy and social awareness can come across as rude, crass, and careless, regardless of whether the autistic person is meant to be that way. It doesn’t feel good to be on the receiving end of that treatment regardless of the person’s intentions, and that puts a wide gap between autistic individuals who come across that way and allistic people who don’t know the common ways autistic people act.
When we think about building community, some might picture a big group of friends, but that’s misleading. The most important thing that makes a group a community is that every member is safe and supported; not everyone likes each other. This is tricky when someone, usually an autistic person, doesn’t seem like they care about those around them. However, with a little guidance, an autistic person can show up authentically and candidly and still be part of a safe space for their community.
So what does this look like? Well, safety differs for everyone because it has to do with emotions. Does the person next to you feel like they can be open emotionally? Do they feel like if they come to you with how they’re hurting or in need, you’ll care for them and want to help them? Even if you want to help, do you understand their needs and know how to help? These answers come from understanding and open-minded conversation, which can be hard between autistic and allistic people. Hard, but not impossible.
These two groups can build a community. As long as the autistic person understands how their actions affect others and the allistic person understands that their perception is based on metrics that autistic people can’t always meet, community with each other is still available for both groups.
